Monday, June 8, 2009

Mother Warriors

"People are always telling you that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all, has happened." - "You've Got Mail"

Yes, I'm quoting that movie a lot. I'll get over it soon...maybe.

So, I'm reading Jenny McCarthy's new book "Mother Warriors: A Nation of Parents Healing Autism Against All Odds. Well, I'm not really READING it as much as SCANNING it because it makes me want to choke someone. It makes my stomach hurt and makes me want to throw up. It makes my face red with anger and my blood boil and at the same time makes me want to fall in a heap and cry and cry and cry and cry.

My ds has autism. Some of you know that already. My ds after a long, drawn out process in which he was misdiagnosed a couple of times was finally diagnosed with severe autism, severe mental retardation and communication disorder. He also has picked up along the way gellastic seizures, chronic constipation, sleep problems, mood problems...

We've struggled. We've fought. I got tired and for awhile I feel like I ...well, not gave up..but lost focus. Don't get me wrong...we never stopped any therapies and we tried new ones. We went to drs and he's taken meds and been taken off meds. We've dabbled in the all-natural ways. But we're spinning our wheels these last few years in a lot of ways.

I used to get really angry at books that insinuated that if I only tried harder...if I was only a better, stronger MOM that my son would be "cured." I want to shout like Scotty from "Star Trek"...I'M GIVIN' HER ALL SHE'S GOT, CAPTAIN!!!

But then, Scotty always pulled it off in the end, didn't he?

Will I? Will ds? Is it even God's will? Perhaps my son's autism has been a gift. I know there are things I never would have learned had it not been for his autism. I know that my son is happy with the simplest joys...maybe he's really the smart one after all.

I don't know.

I just know that I feel like I'm fighting a battle all the time against these seemingly insurmountable barriers facing my son. I want to link my hands and give him a step up over...I want to put him on my shoulders so he can see... I want to take a sledgehammer to that wall and SMASH IT DOWN so he can have all the opportunities to succeed or screw up as the rest of us.

And so, we're going to really go the naturopathic route here pretty soon. It worked for Jenny and her son Evan....maybe....just'll work for us.

Please pray for us. You can never have too much prayer. Thanks :)

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